Home
So I named this post "Home" because I'm listening to that song right now. Have you heard it? By Michael Buble?I'm sitting in George's living room right now, in a small town called Mandelieu la Napoule, 10 minutes by train from Cannes. I have fallen in love with this place. When I crossed over from Spain, and when I arrived here, just last Monday, there was this sense of... coming home.
You know how there are places that are nice to see and nice to visit, but you're not sure if you could really live there. And there are places that you say, "yeah, I could live here", and the Côte d'Azur is definitely one of those places for me.
It is icky outside. Heavy rain tapping the seas, and the trees are doing yoga. It is both a blessing and a curse to me, because I was soooo ready to go to Annot to pull on some blocs. I woke up, realized that I had to run like Dash from the Incredibles and get to the train at some unhuman speed. Threw my stuff in the bag, and ran out the door, bumped into George. "Okay guys gotta run", I yelled. "Um, where are you going, and have you looked outside." Sure enough I could see Noah building his ark. Dropped my bag on the floor and pouted, "what, you mean I can't go climbing? Whaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!"
So the blessing is that I can get caught up on a few things, like laundry, and emails, and sitting around talking to George, and watching funny and raunchy commercials in every other language. And especially sitting down and writing all the thoughts I've had bottling up inside.
It is a chill day. I am not being a tourist. I live here. It feels like I do, at least.
I would tell Quan a bunch of times, "I could live here", and he's like, "without Internet?" And I'd go, um... negative.
People ask if I miss home, and I do, and don't. I do and I don't. It's weird, sometimes I feel like I can call any place home, and then sometimes I'm like, no, I've got to go home. Home home. Seattle home.
I guess I don't have a very solid notion of "home". Sometimes I am a stranger in my own town. I was walking around in Porto, talking to Rui, and I realized for one brief moment that I absolutely loved... that moment. There was no past or present or up or down, just now. Just here. So naturally, with the help of Port wine, I philosophised.
When you know that you only have so many hours and minutes at a certain place, you just... you take it all in and say, ok, this moment, I belong here. I won't be here long, but while I am here I will be here. Then that song by the Postal Service came to my mind, "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight", and I kept singing over and over, I am just a visitor here, I am not permanent. It wasn't just Portugal, or Europe, or even Seattle, I felt like a visitor to this... this world, this life.
posted by Nikki Chau @ 3:40 AM
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